listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
