Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
