We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
