just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
