I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
