girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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