I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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