yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
