So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
