Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
