The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
