There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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