he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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