I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
