I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
