You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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