Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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