i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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