Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
