she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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