I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
