My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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