he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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