Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
