what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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