youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
