if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
