I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my fart just growled at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
