fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
