On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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