We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
