break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
