I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
