Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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