Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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