When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
