he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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