Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
