I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why do cheetos always look like penises
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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