Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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