Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
