omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
