Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
