The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
