He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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