So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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