she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
