I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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