I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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