She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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