I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize