my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
